Bringing the Laughs to Afghanistan

Pete Stegemeyer was my RTO (radio operator) when I was a Platoon Leader in Afghanistan, and I’m proud to now be able to call him a friend. After finishing up his time in the Army, Pete went on to college, and now works in Computer Security in the Big Apple and started a side hobby doing comedy. That side hobby has since blossomed to multiple podcasts, one of which has him working on a book deal! But let’s find out how he got to where he is today.

Pete was like many in highschool: liked, but not the most popular. He was planning on college, but didn’t really have much direction until 9-11 happened on his second day of school. A surgery delayed his entry into the military, so he took odd jobs until he was eligible. His original enlistment was for Special Forces, but an excess of people waiting for Airborne School put off those plans, and he was on his way to Fort Hood.

During his first deployment, Pete was a driver and RTO. The majority of the deployment was quiet, but there were a few periods of brief intensity. There was rarely any small arms fire, but IEDs were a regular problem in that area. In an operation to protect the movement of a generator turbine installation crew, his friend Vincent Winston was killed after his vehicle struck an IED. On another occasion, Pete lost friends and company-mates Josh Rath and Keith Essary when a terrorist set off a suicide vest in the market nearby their base in Hutal on the border of Helmand Province.

But if one event stood out to Pete more than any other, it would be a QRF call in which there was a report of an attack at a radio station. His platoon was sent to support the radio station and gather information on the attack. The path up to the tower was long and twisting with steep drop offs on either side: it seemed the perfect setup for an ambush.

Image result for it is possible to make no mistakes and still lose

This event is etched in his mind because of the immense tensions in the air. Everyone in the platoon could feel it. It was almost a sense of impending doom because the situation was so ripe for an attack. The way Pete describes it was like the band members playing on the Titanic, with a knowledge that something truly awful was going to happen that they came to a strange acceptance quoting Picard “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose”. And yet, it ended up being otherwise uneventful.

Since deployments at the time were quite long, lasting 12-18 months, the days tend to drag. Oftentimes, someone will step up to provide a break from the monotony, and for us, that person was Pete. At times, Pete might put together a skit poking fun at the Platoon and Company leadership, or tell stories from highschool and college (perhaps with a small amount of embellishment), and sometimes he would pull pranks.

Our platoon had one Soldier who tended to be a little more gullible, so one night Pete convinced him that he could see the flag on his moon through his rifle scope (with a measly 3x magnification). He probably had this Soldier looking for a good 15 minutes before the gig was up.

But that was just the warm-up. Pete’s piece-de-resistance, his proudest prankster moment involved far more planning. Our base was a short drive away from a Canadian radio station. Basically they conduct anti-Taliban messaging through the material they broadcast. Pete lined something up with them, to broadcast on an unused channel, that the United States of America had decided to return the Louisiana Purchase to France.

The subject of Pete’s torment was distraught, as his wife was from Louisiana and they had a house there. Frantic, he called his wife and told her she would need to pack up their things and move to Texas. The prank ended up being so successful and causing the target so much anxiety, Pete’s company commander made him apologize.

Following that deployment, Pete found himself back in the states, and since the unit was standing back up at Fort Knox, KY, Pete was moving too. While there, Pete started to build his chops as a comedian: he did more than just tell stories and pull practical jokes, in his spare time, he read up on the craft. He’d participate in open mic nights, convincing his friends to come along by offering to be the designated driver. By bringing friends, he got in the good graces of management and provided the number of people necessary to get a time slot on stage.

The path was a tough one though. As soon as Pete got into a rhythm of shows, he’d be gone for a long training trip. Once he was back, and just when he was getting that cred re-built, his unit was deployed to Afghanistan.

His second deployment to Afghanistan was more intense than his first. This time, he was based in Eastern Afghanistan, along the border with Pakistan in mountainous terrain. . Because it is easy for Taliban and other extremist groups to hide on the other side of the Afghan-Pakistan border, the fighting is often intense, and they were involved in regular firefights, experiencing far fewer IED strikes. He lost another friend there, SGT Kris Gould.

Upon returning from that deployment, Pete found himself transferred to Korea. Winding down his time in service, he started rebuilding his chops, riding the train 2 hours to Seoul to do 10 minutes at an open mic night for a crowd that didn’t even speak English. He finished his military service, and was on to the next stage in his life. He received a Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Science and Information Security from CUNY’s John Jay College of Criminal Justice and began work in Information Security. Once again, he set out to rebuild his comedic standing in a new city, this time: The Big Apple.

In New York, he had to completely rebuild his cred in stand-up comedy. It all starts with open-mic nights, and once he built confidence there, he started doing “bringers” where he could do a set so long as he brought some friends to run up a bar tab. It was a frustrating grind, but it helped him build his craft and build a network to get more exposure.

New York was also different in that almost every club had a slightly different route to comedy. Once he was doing regular club shows, the starting point is “checks”, where you have the demoralizing task of telling jokes while everyone is paying more attention to the waiters and waitresses trying to settle up their bills. It’s a chance to cut your teeth, and proves your ability to start making it into the main lineup. Another difference from Louisville, KY was rather than being a 3 person show, there would often be 7 openers before the headliner.

Recently, Pete began a podcast focused on heists, hoodwinks, and scams called “I Can Steal That!”. It’s proved such a great idea that Pete was approached for a book deal, and is now busy writing a book about the stories he covers in his podcast.